As I was checking out fellow bloggers blogs, I stumbled upon a rather... interesting ad.
The ad in question, I thought, was a joke, or perhaps worded humorously, and so I clicked it. Imagine my glee when I discovered that it was not a joke, and it was an accurate description of the items being sold on the site.
Imagine the wave of joy and passion that swept through my quivering nerd body as my eyes met that site. Finally, after so much searching and questing, I had found the holiest of holy grails.
That's right. Do you enjoy breathing? Do you enjoy obtaining oxygen by pumping your lungs and extracting it from the air, in order to maintain your necessary bodily functions? Ever get tired of struggling against that damn nitrogen to find the precious, precious O2?
WELL NOW ALL YOUR PROBLEMS ARE SOLVED FOREVER. This here product is BONA-FIDE AIR IN A CAN. Just when you thought bottled water was largely a waste of resources and a drain on consumer wallets, along comes something EVEN. BETTER.
I mean, who needs to breathe when you can BUY PRECIOUS OXYGEN IN A CAN. Don't want to buy something that you take in gallons of during a day for free? What's the matter, YOU POORFAG, BRO?
That's right. That is spot-fucking-on. People are actually selling canned air.
What's even better is going to their Oxygen Knowledge base. The "What Experts Say" is my favorite.
Here are some delightful samples:
"Starved of oxygen the body will become ill, and if this persists it will die. I doubt if there is any argument about that."
Dr. John Muntz, Nutritional Scientist
OH MY GOD, IF I DON'T BREATHE I WILL DIE?! FOR SRS? PLEASE SELL ME ALL CASES ALL THE TIME. I AM DIALING ON BOTH PHONES.
"Metabolism is the ability of living forms to combine food and oxygen in order to obtain energy for their normal function."
Albert Earl Carter, The Miracle of Minerals
They listed the definition of metabolism, WHY, THEY MUST KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING.
This whole website makes me chortle. If you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to go start investments in Bottled Steam. Everybody knows how good steam is for your pores and health and shit. I'm gonna bottle some and sell it. Just heat it up and open it, letting the steam pour on your face and cleanse your shit.
1 case of 6 bottles for only $29.95.