BROS

Saturday, October 9, 2010

THE ADVENTURES OF JIMMY NIKOLA: 8TH GENUFLECTION

[X] Head to the Mall

The mall sounds like the best place to go from here. You nod sagely, remembering that about 60% of zombie movies and/or games involve or take place in a mall. You carefully avoid remembering that of those 60%, 90% entailed most or all of the people involved dying. The mall has food, drinks, weapons, and all the games, animu and mango you can carry. The mall is objectively the best choice.

As far as escaping goes, there are the people at the graveyard, and the people at the church. Neither of them are leaving at the moment, so you should have some time to get some supplies from the mall.  You turn around and start heading in the direction of the mall. It was opposite the direction you were going, but it's not that far, so it isn't that much of an issue. You should probably look into getting a map.

At this point in time, the zombies are little more than an annoyance. There are maybe 10 every block, so it's easy enough to walk around them. However, due to your boredom and the fact that there is nobody (living) to see you, you begin dodging them dramatically.

"HOO-HA!" You yell, as you leap away from a zombie 3 yards away, swinging your sword like a maniac.

"You think you are fast? I will show you the secrets of the Lovely Beam!"

You take a dramatic pose, sword brandished, and advance upon the zombie, who is shuffling towards you at a breakneck crawl.

"The secret is this: It is neither a beam, nor lovely."

"TAKE THIS! LOOOOOOOOVELYYYYYYYYY BEAAAAAAAAAAAAMUUUU~!"

You stab the zombie in the face.

"Let your sins wash away in the flow of the love rays," you quote.



Lovely Rider is one of your favorite animus of all time. You have every episode and doujin copied in triplicate on your computer. You walk away from the frozen-headed zombie and continue towards the mall. Huh... Your house is just up ahead, it might be worth it to stop and check in. You turn into the alley you exited from, and look up at the broken window of your apartment. Awww, shit.

Suddenly, your Maido Misako body pillow goes flying out the window.

"OH HELL NO," you yell. You run to catch it, when a sudden orange blur leaps out of your window and yanks it from the air. A strangely-hued zombie is hanging from a drainpipe on the building opposite your apartment, clutching the body pillow in its mouth.

"What the..."

The zombie cuts off your expletive like some kind of Zombie Censor, only instead of fees and beeping out swears, he just dive-tackles you.

"OH SWEET JESUS!" You scream, as the zombie begins repeatedly smacking you with your own pillow.

You manage to get an arm free and slice at the zombie's arm, sending him into slow-motion. You push him off of you and scurry to your feet, insanely confused.

"Zombies aren't fast! What the hell are you?"

The zombie dashes towards you, which you deflect with a sloppy swing of your sword. It backs up a bit to get a better grasp of the situation. It paces in the middle of the street with an almost human intelligence, before it crouches down, braces its legs, and gets run down by an army jeep going 70 miles per hour.

"SHIT!" you yell, as blood and pillow down go flying everywhere. The jeep continues in the direction you just came from, swerving to hit as many zombies as possible.

"What... what just happened?"

You make a post on F.O.R.T.U.N.E. about the zombie and submit it. You will check up what people said later on. For now, it's decision time.

Again.

[]Continue to the mall, unperturbed
[]Check the ruins of your apartment
[]Follow that car!
[]Mourn the loss of your body pillow
[]Browse F.O.R.T.U.N.E. for as much information as possible.
[] (Insert option here)
[]Genuflect

10 comments:

  1. Browse F.O.R.T.U.N.E.
    Can't hurt to get some info!

    Unless there's another orange guy in there. I don't think the jeep was making house calls.

    Also: Consider finding a jeep of your own.

    ReplyDelete
  2. [X] Mourn the loss of your body pillow

    ReplyDelete
  3. [X]Mourn the loss of your body pillow

    ReplyDelete
  4. [x]Mourn the loss of your body pillow

    ReplyDelete
  5. [x] Mourn the loss of your body pillow.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Browse F.O.R.T.U.N.E.

    Get the low-down.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Zombie pillow fight!

    No wait, [X]Continue to the mall, unperturbed unless there was a map back at the apartment.
    MOURN THE PILLOW LATER.

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  8. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  9. Dude, try to be a little less shameless in your self-promotion.

    I mean, yeah, it's great to support each other, don't get me wrong, but come on.

    ReplyDelete