"Eh, forget these idorts and their stupid thread. I'VE got more important things to do!"
With that, you drop your pants.
"Now then, shall it be Kawaii Maidos, Tentacle Triumph, or Champions of Chikan?"
Yeah, actually we're not doing this
You just decide on Tentacle Triumph.
You browse into your porn folder, start the video, and begin pumping the relief well. You like to refer to your masturbation sessions with references to contemporary events. It makes you feel clever.
"UNYAA! I POOP FROM THERE!" cries Tits McSugoi, the main character.
"NOT RIGHT NOW YOU DONT" bellows UR' SHAMALAMADINGDONG, the tentacle monster from between the stars. Specifically, between the stars Betelgeuse and Antares. It's a pretty big neighborhood.
The moans and simultaneously disturbing and erotic slurping sounds ring in your expensive headphones, effectively drowning out the thumping on your door.
"I'm coming! aaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH" McSugoi moan/roars.
You are about to come as well, when you glance to your right and see a DEAD ZOMBIE in your doorway.
"OH JESUS CHRIST, CAN'T YOU KNOCK?!"
The zombie lunges at you! You rip the headphone cord out of the outlet, and sound pours into your apartment as you try to push the zombie off of you. It's nails claw for your face, so you grab it by the arms, restraining it. As it shambles towards you, you raise your foot to desperately try to push it back. It continues its assault, and you feel your balance start to tip backwards.
Thinking instinctually, you roll backwards in your chair and pull him towards you, pushing with your foot.
An accidentally expert move, your throw lands the zombie directly out your window, ripping the construction paper, shattering the glass, and giving you a face full of sunshine.
"Ngrh" you groan, shielding your eyes. Once you have adjusted to the horrid light, you look out at the city. The buildings burn in the distance. The streets run red with gore and blood.
THE LIVING DEAD WALK THE EARTH!
"Oh shit, what have I missed?"
As you speak, a few zombies look up and notice you. They head into the front door of your apartment building. Shit. If you're going to survive this, you'll have to arm yourself.
You get dressed, finding a suitable somewhat badass outfit: (Blue Barracudas T-shirt, Duster, Jeans, and cowboy hat.)
You grab a couple of GAMER FUEL snack bars and throw them in your backpack, along with a couple cans of PINA COLACOLYPSE. But... what weapon should you use?
You gaze at your empty BATTLE GRID. A cursory glance around your apartment reveals a number of choices. Which should you choose?
Japanese Sword Mode (Stainless steel katana)
Shuriken Mode (Shurikens)
Gun Mode (B.B. Pistol)
Club Mode (Metal baseball bat)
Martial Mode (Unarmed)