BROS

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

THE ADVENTURES OF JIMMY NIKOLA: 100TH EDITION

[X] Help the Man

He saved your ass (possibly literally). The least you can do is return the favor. You grab your sword and head in the direction the ghost ran. You turn the corner and dart through the maze of corridors. Only a few flashes of blue ahead lead the way. You are reminded somewhat of the Woods of Mystery. Following the light, just barely keeping up, you quickly come to a large, open cubicle bullpen.



All the furniture is astray, leaving a large, open area in the center. It seems as if the cubicle walls had been used along with the desks to form a barricade. A barricade which has since been overrun. You kick aside a larger piece of fabric-covered wall and take a few tentative steps into the room.

"Stop moving!" a voice hisses.

You spin around to find the man hiding , curled under a desk.

"They can't see you if you don't move!"

"Isn't that T-rexes?"

A screech fills the air, and a zombie lands directly in front of you. The ghost has revealed itself.

"Finally decided to show your face, huh you son of a... wait, what?"

This zombie is most decidedly not a Ghost. Its limbs hang lanky and frail, with an abnormally large barrel-chest. A yellow aura glows around it, sparkling off its arms, which seem to be covered in a fine ash.

"Yellow? Did that guy say anything about yellow ones?"

You briefly consider looking up the post again, when the zombie answers your question by opening large pores on its arms and jettisoning out a hot stream of fire, which covers its arms.

"WHAT" you what.


The Hellspitter brings up its burning arms. It doesn't seem as if the fire is affecting him in any way, other than the obvious way of being absolutely terrifying. He advances towards you, drooling flame.

"DON'T JUST STAND THERE! FIGHT!" The man urges you.

You snap out of your trance just in time, blocking a swing of his arms. You are surprised to find that as frail-looking as they were, the arms are not lacking on hardness. In fact, you would go so far as to say they are arms of steel, cliches be damned.

You thrust against his assault, sending him stumbling back a few feet. He swings his arms in the air, leaving an intimidating streak of fire behind. You swing your own sword, leaving a  snowy trail behind. You're not sure why you did that, you just felt compelled.

THE WHEEL OF FATE IS TURNING!
REBEL 1!

ACTION!




[x] BE.... EVERYONE.

[X] Be the tough guy.

YOU ARE NOW THE TOUGH GUY. Your name is Red Jency, and you post on F.O.R.T.U.N.E. with the tripcode Bromander(Bro-kemon #004)!ChAriZ4rDo . You are into fitness and several different sports. You are regarded as a generally nice guy, and have slightly-above average looks. Secretly, you are something of an anime fan, and have been known to LARP on occasion. After a particularly bad break-up, you cannot handle intimate relationships, and your strong sense of justice and short temper often get you into trouble, especially since you don't take well to sarcasm.

Your battle mode is ShotgunMode, and your current equipped weapon is the "STICK IT TO 'EM BLASTGUN." It is a Tier 2 Enhancement, since you have only enhanced it once. After escaping from your house, you have made it to this mall, where  you have met up with a few other survivors, and have holed up in this waffle house. 


You are kind of tense, because you are running out of AMMUNITION BRACKETS, and Frank still hasn't shown up yet. You are pretty sure he would be okay, unless the situation in the mall has gotten much worse. There are very few zombies in this section of the mall, which has made defending the waffle house easy. You don't know what the rest of the mall is like, though.

"Hurry up, Frank..." you mutter. In the corner, Sally, the little girl whom Frank rescued, starts coughing again. Apparently, she has asthma. The zombies aren't helping it any.  Once Frank gets back, we can leave, try to get some place safer. Maybe that graveyard. It sounded like they were evacuating there.

He better hurry...

[X] Be the Brainy Guy

You are now the brainy guy. Your name is Edwin Pauloni, and you post on F.O.R.T.U.N.E. as ResidentZombologist!bR4INS63rM. You have something of a reputation for being a genius among your family. You disregard the fact that your family is not the brightest around, and instead decide to work your geniousness as hard as possible. As such, you are very physically weak, and are pretty awkward socially. You still manage to be quite strong in several subjects, among them ecology, sociology, and Enhancement Science. Due to this, you are quite skilled at altering your inventory and Enhancing items to get what you want. Your newly created Pip Boy is testament to this fact. You stroke it lovingly as you afix it to your wrist.

Your weapon mode is Laser Mode. Unfortunately, you don't have any lasers that are dangerous in any way. You hope to solve that in a bit with some creative Enhancing. For now, you are holed up in this tower, waiting for assistance. Better get to tinkering...

[X] Be the Soldier.

You are now the soldier. Your name is Tom Reynolds. Your rank is Major, and you belong to the top-secret Zero Division. You are specially trained to deal with threats to national security which fall outside of the normal threats. Normal threats in this case being rebellion, attacks from enemy nations, riots, or national disasters. More specifically, you are sent to deal with anything which most people would consider "Paranormal", although that is not exclusively what you do. You are a grizzled veteran, sure of himself but not arrogant. You are brusque in your dealings with others. You do not care for trivial matters. 


You have been sent to rescue somebody who was calling for help. In actuality, you are setting up a couple vital markers around the city. The rescue mission was just a cover. They're probably already dead and dinner, although not necessarily in that order. You hate Class Zs. They are weak, but plentiful. The way they reproduce through attrition. The way their gnashing teeth grind all through the night. The way more spring up to take the place of every one you kill. If it wasn't for the Solution, you wouldn't even be here right now. You don't have to deal with this, you have options. You could have been dealing with the Sexy Witch uprising in connecticut. But you didn't. You came here. If only you could figure out why.

Something in your gut tells you there's more to it than just a Code Orange invasion of Class Zs. Something tells you that something big is going on here. There have been sightings of Alpha Zs. Stranges, the regular people call them. Wyverns, Blitzers, Ghosts, Hellspitters, Grapplers, Bombers. There were even people saying they saw a Legion. Not unheard of in a Class Z invasion. But certainly strange. If something big does go down, you want to be there to see it happen. And to stop it.

[X] Be the girl
You are now the little girl. Your name is Anna Price, and you post on F.O.R.T.U.N.E. with the name Goastly!W0oO0p1qns. You are rather shy, and have a great interest in the paranormal. Because you are unathletic and introverted, you do not have much faith in your body, and have grown up with an interest in magic. After a foolhardy and unsuccessful bid to use magic by placing a New-age "book of spells" in your Weapon Node, you are now using the largely useless BookMode. 

However, you have since unlocked your Magic Grid, though you only have 2 spells, Heal and Air Push. They are pretty useful, but not for killing zombies. So far, you've managed to keep them back after they broke through your barricade. Now you are simply waiting for a savior who may not even be coming. You briefly considered going out your bedroom window, but the alley outside your house is swimming with zombies. You don't have anywhere to go. As you blast back a zombie, you look around furtively. There must be something you can do to get out of here. The air conditioning duct in your room. You always thought it looked big enough to fit into... 

You grin. Time to make Solid Snake proud.


[X]Be the DJ

You are now the DJ. You aren't so much a DJ by profession as you are by hobby. You mostly do Touhou remixes and post them on youtube. Your hits are in the quadruple digits on average, which is a source of pride for you. Your name is Davis Ennui, and you go by the name  DJNeet!w3Eab0O7ua. Your weapon mode is TurnTableMode. You picked that, because even though they make somewhat unconventional weapons, it allowed you to take your large Turntables without clogging up your inventory. 

You are fairly shy, and tend to avoid social situations, preferring to instead to sequester yourself away with an mp3 player. You escaped from your room in your parent's house, and made your way to this church, somehow. You tend to speak in a very polite manner, and value taking it easy above all else. You are finding it very hard to take it easy in the current environs. Since you know a bit about technology and such, you have been tasked with helping design the armored bus they will be using to escape. You do not think you are the best choice for this task, but you did so because it let you be by yourself for a while.

Unfortunately, while someone was gathering parts for the bus, they jarred loose a window, and several zombies got into the church, and quickly dispatched both the unfortunate window-jarring soul, and two other people. You are now down to 7 people total in the church. The bus looks ready to go, but you have serious doubts about its armor capacity. Really, it's just some wood from the pews screwed onto the window-frames. You're not sure how long, if at all, that will hold them off.

Either way, it's not as if you have a better plan. You sigh to yourself and screw in another block of wood. How did you get yourself into this mess? You CAN NOT TAKE IT EASY.  You flick your MP3 Player to "Moe Moe Kyun 100 Minute Kyun Kyun Moe-Mix." One of your personal favorite remixes.

"Moe Moe... KYUN!" you sing to yourself... very quietly.


[X] Be the Pokemon Master

You are now the Pokemon Master. Your name is James Ikaruga, and you go by the name JessieIsMyWaifu!M3owTh5zg6. You are quite the aficionado of Pokemon, anime and other videya gaems. Due to some extremely short-sighted decision-making, your Battle Mode is GameMode, which is nowhere near as cool as you think it might be. You had supposed that putting Pokemon into your Battle Node would let you summon Pokemon to fight for you, but that didn't really pan out. You can still fight with your hands and by throwing stuff, but you can't really equip any weapons.

You are pretty energetic, and fairly social, although your natural exuberance can be very off-putting to people, especially those who do not share your enthusiasm for the Pokey Mans. That doesn't stop you from explaining things to anybody who will stand still long enough to listen. You are a bit young at heart, and have a tendency to be moderately suspicious of authority figures.

Currently, you are in the Old Country Graveyard. Nobody has been interred here since 1877, and it is more of a historic landmark than anything else. The government has set up a rendezvous point here, probably since there is a country road out the back that can escape to the military base in the desert. The government has dug a large pit in an unused corner of the graveyard for disposing of the zombies after they are slain. All of the exits and entrances are heavily guarded by soldiers, so feel very secure in here. Indeed, you feel very safe. The high fences are very sturdy, and can hold off any zombie assaults. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?

[X] Be Jimmy Again.

You are now Jimmy again. The Hellspitter is side-stepping around you, and you are mirroring him. This feels like some sort of bad-ass samurai showdown, and you suppose it kind of is. You raise your sword into various ready positions of your own design and dubious utility. You take a particularly awkward, but suitably bad-ass position, before the Hellspitter charges. You leap back, jerking your sword around in a clumsy parry.

You knock his arm out of the way, but he raises up and catches your blade with his arm, reaching for you with his other. You yield to his push and dive out of the way of his flaming bludgeon. You roll away and rise to a crouch, while the zombie turns to you and takes a deep breath. Oh god. The zombie spews flames like some sort of fucked up dragon.

Only your quick thinking saves you from painful death, as you reach down and grab a piece of a desk, drawing it up into a makeshift shield. When the flames subside, you drop the flaming shrapnel and rise into a lunge at the beast. You gouge it in the leg, and withdraw, sending drops of burning napalm onto the ground.

"FIRE BLOOD WHAT." you what.

The beast roars and slashes downwards at your head. You raise your blade and catch his arms, holding him at bay long enough for you to land a kick on his chest, sending him stumbling back.

"TAKE THIS!" You yell, grabbing a red stapler off the ground and throwing it at him. It hits him in the face, stapling his forehead. Other than that, it has no visible effect.

"YEAH!" you exult. You charge him while he is supposedly distracted. Quickly, however, you find that is not the case, as he swings once more, this time at your side. You duck underneath the blow and bring your sword to bear.

"Time to, uh.. No wait, I already said chill out."

The zombie attacks you, knocking your on your ass and lighting your shirt on fire.

"Aaaagh!" you yell. You roll on the ground, trying to douse the flames. The zombie leaps at you, bashing the ground behind you as you roll towards victory. Eventually, after what seems like an unacceptably long time, the flames are finally damped, you scramble to your feet and lash out at the enemy. It raises its arms, but not fast enough to stop you from cutting its left shoulder. Ice spreads along the area of the cut, and as it raises the arm, the arm falls off with an audible snap.

You smile, at least until the frozen wound melts and starts spewing jets of napalm.

"OH JESUS."

You have to end this fast. The building is already starting to catch fire.

"Okay, uh..."

"Uh..."

The zombie is running for you, roaring and lifting its good arm high above you. Flame pours from its wounds and  mouth.

"Uh..."

It foams fire, getting ready to spew burning death all over you. It's now or never.

"Okay."

You dash at the zombie, letting loose a primal roar. At the last second, the zombie swings and shoots fire at you, which you spin to the side to avoid.You grip your sword tightly as you swing.

"ICE TO MEET YOU!"

The zombie explodes outwards  into a cloud of napalm, which inexplicably freezes into billowing, crystalline flames.



You sheath your sword, satisfied. The man slowly, cautiously, exits the safety of his desk.

"That was amazing. Who are you, anyways?"

You look away, appearing to be badass. Really, you are just extremely nervous at having to socialize with a living person, but at least you can get away with looks.

"My name is J-" You pause. Jimmy Nikola. Jimmy Nikola, all your life. The same Jimmy who was always picked last for sports, and didn't really care because he was used to it. The same Jimmy who would read by himself at recess. The same Jimmy who has spent the last couple years of his life avoiding the real world. That was who he was, wasn't it? Waiting for a time when the world was no longer the sham you felt it was. Waiting until all the masks and lies of society weren't in play any more. Waiting until the petty, the insignificant, the vanities of the real world were lost to the rest of the people. When the playing field was level.

Wasn't that what we had now? It's the end of the world, zombie apocalypse. This is it. This is the chance you had wanted. This is the chance to be someone... different. You are not going to let that chance pass you by.

"My name..." you say, turning towards the man.

Suddenly, a Ghost screams and leaps at you from the roof. You spin around, swinging your sword in a vertical slash. The two halves of the ghost fall in heaps at your sides.

"Is Tesla."










[X] Be the Villain. 

You stare at your Inventory Screen, smiling a hollow smile, thoughts far away. All this time, and now things are finally on your terms. You can't help but chuckle as you gaze upon your Battle Mode. You weren't even sure it would work, but it did. It paid off, and HOW. They will regret everything they ever did. The taunts, the teasing. All the quiet mockery behind your back, as if you didn't KNOW. As if you COULDN'T HEAR THEM. As if you WEREN'T. EVEN. THERE. 

They had the power, and they taunted you. But now you have the power. Oh yes. Now you will show them what TRUE POWER is. What it's like to be taunted. To be beaten. To be powerless. You laugh as you exert your influence, using the power of your Zombie BattleMode to control the swarm. You point them in the direction of the Sports Time Arena, where you know plenty of people are holed up. You are coming. They are not safe. None of them.

They will all suffer. 

5 comments:

  1. Wow you actually posted for everyone. That's some dedication right there :)

    Sticking to the Jimmy/Tesla canon, I felt the ice sword was a bit too deus ex machina. I was hoping the ice sword was a one time use and after fighting the other zombies, it now becomes a regular sword so Jimmy has to find another way to kill the Hellspitter (e.g. fire extinguisher to the face and cut the frozen head off).

    It's just an opinion so please don't take it as an insult ._.

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  2. I feel you. The sword isn't as deus ex machina as all that. The Hellspitter is a boss, but it's an early-game boss in that it is not one-of-a-kind. A normal sword could have killed the Hellspitter as well, it's just tougher than other zombies. It's a boss in the same way that a handful of zombies were a boss at the beginning of the game.

    He gets to keep the sword, and eventually can make the sword even stronger, because a single Hellspitter is the toughest thing he's had to fight so far. The Cirno Blade evened the odds, but as the horde grows stronger, it's not going to be enough to get him through.

    The pacing in this, as far as combat goes, is going to be reminiscint of the zombie genre, in that it starts off with him fending off a couple of zombies and gets drastically more difficult as time goes on. Don't worry about him being overpowered, because he most definitely isn't ;).

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  3. Wow. Now that's a lot of content from one post. Lol.

    I like where this story is going, still. This is an epic installment.

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  4. Awesome :D Liked this post.
    Not sure I like the Pokemon master as much as I thought I would, though he is silly.

    I think I like the girl and the brainy guy best :3 Let's go play with one/both of them :o!

    And you must have mentioned furniture too often in this post, because now all your page's advertisements seem to be about desks.

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